My Journey to a Happier, Healthier, More Grateful Me
Updated: May 8, 2018
So, here's the thing. I found myself in a situation that was completely foreign to me and I didn’t know how to handle it. It was new, different, dark, sad and pretty lonely. And the thing is, I knew that I was the only one that could help my situation. It was all on me. And if that’s not scary, I don’t know what is.
Rewind about 2 months. I was doing my thing, working full-time, managing my various side-hustles and passion-projects (The Wholeistic Way being one of them) training for my second 30k run that was fast approaching, cooking, baking, going to CrossFit, socializing with new and old friends – doing everything that I usually enjoyed doing. Except something had changed; I knew something didn’t feel right. All of the things that usually make me so happy and fulfilled, no longer felt the same. They were no longer bringing me joy. In fact, they were doing the complete opposite.
I had lost all motivation to workout;
I didn’t want to run – at all. The thought of finding time to run just annoyed me. (At the end of my 30k run I actually just broke down into tears. That's wasn't my finest moment.);
I didn’t want to see people or socialize at all;
I didn’t want to celebrate my friends accomplishments, milestones, or new adventures;
I didn’t want to bake or cook;
I didn’t care at all about eating healthy. (I’m pretty sure I ate chocolate cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner, multiple days in a row.);
I didn’t want to write or work on the blog;
If I ever scrolled on social media, I was always left feeling disappointed and empty;
I wasn’t my usual happy self – I was super short-tempered, found myself getting annoyed incredibly easy and generally felt very sad. A lot.
And the list goes on.
In a nutshell, all I wanted to do each day was wake up, go to work (mainly because I had to), come home from work, watch Netflix and go to bed. That’s it.
And the thing was, I knew this wasn’t me. I knew I wasn’t that person. But somehow, along the way, I had ended up here. In this sad, dark, unmotivated, negative place. And eventually, what was going on in my mental health, finally made its appearance in my physical health, and I got sick.
But to be honest, it was probably for the best.
Fortunately – and because I like to pride myself on my kick-ass immune system (yay, a win!) – my sickness only lasted about 4 days. But that 4 days did so much for me. I took the first couple of days off work - like actually off work, not worked from home, but really did no work. I gave my body, and my mind, the time it needed to recover. I was able to reflect, listen to my body, listen to my mind, learn from my experience, reevaluate my priorities and much more. And what it came down to was this: I realized that all my negative thoughts and feelings of anger towards other people – and let’s be serious, the world in general – all stemmed from this: comparison.
It’s true. I had allowed the comparing of other people's journey's to my own completely consume me. How incredibly silly is that? My mindless scrolling on social media and looking at other people’s ‘highlight reel’ had eventually created these ideas in my mind that I always thought I was immune to:
I’m not good enough
I’m not fit enough
I don’t make enough money
I don’t have the time to do what I’m passionate about
My relationship isn’t good enough
My goals aren’t big enough
I’m not productive enough
I'm not successful enough
I don’t have good enough clothes
I don’t work out enough
I’m not a good enough girlfriend, daughter, sister, friend etc.
Basically, every single negative thought that could have possibly creeped into my mind, did. And they lived there, chilling out until I conjured up enough strength to tell them to F OFF!
So that’s what I did. It didn’t happen overnight; it was a slow process and it’s something I’m still working on. (For example, only now, after about 2 months, am I ready to get back to writing.) But things are definitely moving in the right direction.
Now I’m making a conscious effort to never compare my journey to others. I’m making a conscious effort to always remember that everyone is at a different point in their lives. I’m making a conscious effort to remember that social media is used to show case only the best parts, and to take everything I see with a grain of salt. I'm making a conscious effort to listen to my body and cut myself some slack if I'm not feeling up to something on a particular day.
And last, but definitely not least, I’m making a conscious effort to be grateful for what I have right now.
This whole experience has taught me so much about the power that our mind and our thoughts have over us. I have always heard the saying ‘mind your mind’, but never really thought much of it. Well, it’s only until now that I truly understand what it means.
This journey for me is a work-in-progress. I have a lot of work to do and a long way to go before I’m at a place of complete peace. That may sound cheesy, but for me, it’s absolutely attainable if I be careful what I think, who I surround myself with, what I allow to creep into my mind and how I choose to react to negative thoughts.
Thank you for letting me share this experience with you. I look forward to getting back to writing, developing and sharing delicious, healthy recipes and creating an awesome place to share our experiences, thoughts and ideas.
See you soon!